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Cannes film picks! Movie reviews! John Waters love fest!

Hi! Hello! How are you? I gotta say I am not loving this whole “wearing sweaters in late May” sitch we have going on here in New Jersey. This is supposed to be T-shirt weather! June is a week away! Just sayin’.

Anyhoo, this post started out as a simple roundup only to transmogrify into what you’re reading now. And honestly, it’s all the better for it.

This time out, it’s nothing but films. Grab your popcorn and settle in because there is much to discuss.

Vive Cannes

The 78th Cannes Film Festival took place May 13-24 at Palais des Festivals et des Congrès. While I attended in spirit (like most of the world), there were a number of films that premiered on the Croisette that caught my attention. Here’s where I crank it to 11: that’s the number of flicks I’ve got my eye on. First up, the film I’m already obsessed with and the rest of my top five.

NOT THE FIRST TIME I’VE FALLEN FOR A MOVIE SIGHT UNSEEN

Pillion

The one I'm most excited for without a doubt. Like, "Gimme a freaking release date already, A24!" excited. Harry Melling. Alexander Skarsgård. Gay BDSM love story. You had me at Harry Melling. The rest is just cake — albeit a sinfully delicious one.

Alpha

Julia Ducournau has made two of my favorite films of the past decade. That automatically makes her latest, an AIDS-era body horror, a must watch.

The Chronology of Water

You’re damn right I’m stoked about Kristen Stewart’s feature directorial debut. Early buzz is that she’s found her voice with her adaptation of Lidia Yuknavitch’s memoir.

Highest 2 Lowest

If you can’t get it up for Spike Lee and Denzel Washington reuniting for a fresh take on Akira Kurosawa’s High and Low… Yeah, I’m totally judging you.

The Mastermind

It’s a heist movie starring Josh O’Connor and Alana Haim, directed by Kelly Reichardt. Do I really need to say more?

Six more that have my interest

Big city transplant Jennifer Lawrence deals with her deteriorating sanity after moving to rural America with hubby Robert Pattinson in Lynne Ramsay’s Die, My Love; Josh O’Connor and Paul Mescal fall in love while discovering The History of Sound; the only girl in her community seeks the truth when an unknown disease targeting gay men hits too close to home in Chilean drama The Mysterious Gaze of the Flamingo; tech expert Wagner Moura returns to his hometown while running from his past only to discover that might not have been the best plan in period political thriller The Secret Agent; Renate Reinsve reunites with Joachim Trier for his tale of familial love and the importance of memory in Sentimental Value; and a music student gets wrapped up in a feminist movement at her university when she admits to having been sexually assaulted by a teaching assistant in Sebastián Lelio’s musical The Wave.

FILM

Let’s dig into what I’ve been watching lately. I have three recommendations that make me giddy like Diana Barry after downing half a bottle of red currant wine.

Queer

Luca Guadagnino’s latest has certainly proven divisive — perhaps more so than anyone expected.

An adaptation of William S. Burroughs’ surrealist novel x autobiographical self-portrait, the screenplay by Challengers scribe Justin Kuritzkes dips and dives and bobs and weaves as it presents the love story between middle-aged writer William Lee (Daniel Craig) — suffering from withdrawal of his two drugs of choice: cocaine and desire — and Karl Steinberg (Daan de Wit) — half his age yet perhaps the more mature of the two — against the backdrop of the American expatriate scene in 1950s Mexico City.

The heady fantastical sequences that pop up seemingly at random bloom into bizarre dreamscapes that can be darkly humorous metaphors, emotionally twisted chimeras, or straight up nightmares that heighten Lee’s thoughts and feelings, allowing the audience an all-access pass into his psyche. They all play out as manifestations born of the creativity dreamt of by the godfathers of dreamy surrealism, Salvador Dalí and David Lynch.

Throw in a soundtrack with divine anachronistic touches, like Sinéad O'Connor covering Nirvana’s “All Apologies,” and an all-time performance by Craig, and it’s no wonder I’ve become addicted.

The Wedding Banquet

Two queer couples at a crossroads in their respective relationships agree to a scheme that promises to be mutually beneficial for all parties involved. Until, you know, it all goes sideways and blows up in their faces.

Couple 1: Chris and Min (Bowen Yang and Han Gi-Chan) are happy and in love.

The Howevers: Chris can't bring himself to commit to Min long term and Min's grandmother (Youn Yuh-jung) is demanding he return home to Beijing to run the family business despite his objections. Without a green card, Min has no choice but to acquiesce.

Couple 2: Angela and Lee (the luminous pairing of Kelly Marie Tran and Lily Gladstone) are happy and in love.

The Howevers: In vitro has been a bust for Lee, who wants to be a mother more than anything. Angela is less keen to say the least, but wants Lee to have her dream, regardless.

The Solution: Min proposes he and Angela, who’s also Chris’ best friend, tie the knot in a win-win scenario that gets him his green card and her the in vitro procedure(s) that will give her and Lee a child.

The Problems: Min's disapproving grandmother is arriving to throw the happy couple a wedding banquet and... that's all you're getting from me.

Want to know what happens? Go watch this hilarious, heartfelt, messy, gorgeous remake of the 1993 Ang Lee film and find out why this is one of my favorite films of the year so far.

The Ballad of Wallis Island

Everyone has a dream they would fulfill should they win the lottery. For Charles Heath (a delightful Tim Key), it's reuniting his favorite band McGwyer Mortimer and having them perform in his backyard on Wallis Island.

Though it quickly becomes evident that having Herb McGwyer and Nell Mortimer under the same roof for the first time in nearly a decade is not unlike having your divorced parents stay with you while on vacation in the middle of nowhere. Herb (Tom Basden in a wonderful, acerbic turn) is stuck creatively and emotionally, while Nell (the always welcome Carey Mulligan in an integral extended cameo) has moved on with her life without a backward glance. Though that doesn't stop the past from bubbling up between them.

The real thrust of the story, however, is the burgeoning friendship between the sweet and slightly awkward Charles and the frustrated, curmudgeonly Herb. Their relationship is a fun twist on the forced proximity trope as this tiny island and its (incredibly) small town vibes make it near impossible for the pair to avoid each other for long. Bonus: Sian Clifford rounds out the ensemble as the local shopkeeper, who's charmingly baffled at Herb's request for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Based on the BAFTA-nominated 2007 short film The One and Only Herb McGwyer Plays Wallis Island, the same creative team are behind the two films: stars Basden and Key, who also wrote both screenplays, and director James Griffiths.

Wistful, endearing, touchingly funny and with a terrific folk soundtrack, this is perfect for fans of writer-director John Carney.

Long live the Pope of Trash

I feel like I’ve always been a John Waters fan; even before I ever watched any of his films. He’s such a total icon that some part of me connected with him as an artist and respected his ability to be himself no matter what. That said, I didn’t watch my first Waters flick until July 2021, when my friend Jaime and I caught Multiple Maniacs streaming on HBO Max. While Jaime was mildly traumatized from the experience, I was enthralled. So, yeah, this initial viewing only confirmed the obvious: I am a John Waters fan.

Earlier this spring, I was able to catch up with a handful of Waters’ films via the Criterion Channel. I loved each and every one of them. And while I will admit the oeuvre of the self-proclaimed “pope of trash” is an acquired taste, I’m here to say, holding out my bowl with both hands, “Gimme the whole damn pot before I beat you with this bowl!”*

Female Trouble (1974)

From knocked up teen to crime scene superstar, Divine’s Dawn Davenport clearly wasn’t the inspiration for Lorelai Gilmore. The relationship between Dawn and daughter Taffy is 100 percent toxic and yet completely hilarious. Waters was ahead of the curve here as the film is eerily prescient regarding the celebrity culture of reality TV .

Polyester (1981)

Desperate housewife Divine sees her world implode one family member at a time. An unfaithful pornographer husband. A pregnant daughter. A son with a foot fetish who assaults women’s feet. And then, Tab Hunter saunters into her life. This is Waters’ brilliant homage to the 1950s melodramas of Douglas Sirk. Originally presented in Odorama.

Hairspray (1988)

Yep. The Broadway smash that took the 2003 Tonys by storm started life as a John Waters flick. Though decidedly not a musical, this cast is stacked with singers. Who else but Waters would assemble Sonny Bono, Debbie Harry, Vitamin C (aka Colleen Fitzpatrick) — tell me you remember “Graduation (Friends Forever)” — and The Cars’ Ric Ocasek in the same flick? No one. That’s who. Pure genius.

Cry-Baby (1990)

Picture it: 1950s Baltimore. Good girl falls for bad boy with a heart of gold. It’s a tale as old as time and Waters brings his signature style to it. Sure, you’ll come for peak Johnny Depp. Ain’t no shame there. But you gotta love a film that features Polly Bergen, Iggy Pop, Tracy Lords, Troy Donahue, David Nelson, and Patricia Hearst. I know I do.

*Before you even start, yes, that was me asking nicely.

And that’s a wrap! Feel free to drop the Cannes films you’re hyped to see or what films you’ve seen recently that have you making heart eyes in the comments!

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If John Waters had directed The Birdcage… Can you imagine Divine in that version instead of Robin Williams? I mean, who hasn’t wanted to lock their archnemesis in a giant bird cage and scream at them? (Kids, don’t try this at home.)